So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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