I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
