i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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