I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
