we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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