my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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