dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
