Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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