that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
