So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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