i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
