i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
