No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
