Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
