if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
