I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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