First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
