this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
