it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
