he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
