oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
