We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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