At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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