i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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