dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
