I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
