We named our party play list daddy issues
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize