i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
