I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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