1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
