he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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