How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
