he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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