I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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