You smell like stripper and shame
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
