she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
