Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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