not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize