They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
