i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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