Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
