Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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