we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
