I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
