Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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