The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
