I'm drive I can fine osifer
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
