So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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