Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Michael Bay diarrhea
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
