Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
