I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
