a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My first STD was from a foam party
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
