my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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