gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
