I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
