Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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