i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
