What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
