Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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