it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
