How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
