Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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