Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize