i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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